Should We Be Caring About Communication?
“Communication is worth caring about,” insists Tammy. “Research shows that better disclosure of our feelings can answer the often-painful split, between our inner thought and our spoken word. Frankly, I find it hard to tell when dialog starts and stops.”
Because what happens long before we speak may sway the outcome. Also, what happens in our “talk” might have an impact in the future. Because we connect with others, especially partners, in a variety of ways.
So, each setting calls for some kind of successful transfer skills. Suppose child hood friends Joe and Tom now live 1,500 miles apart. What was once an easy friendship, is now awkward. Talking on the phone, texting, or emailing isn’t working for them.
Joe shakes his head, “I can’t remember the last time Tom and I hung out together.”
He shrugs, knowing his girlfriend Tammy will ask him about it tonight.
“I can’t stand talking about it. She’s always on my case. Even our relationship,” he grumbles. Joe wishes he could keep the relationship with Tom going across the miles. He hates talking about affections with Tammy.
Joe rubs his hand across his forehead, turns off the TV, and finishes dressing for his date with Tammy.
Like Joe, most of us have to communicate daily. Sometimes it’s vital to a long-distance relationship, a romantic one, or just to get what we want. Opportunities to do it right fill our everyday lives. Even demands it. Because how we talk, listen, and retain information shows how much we care about the exchange.
Joe would than understand why Tammy likes to talk about their love even when no problem exists. Joe’s insight into long distance friendships might help him with Tom despite the miles.
Smiling. He thinks, “Wow, better communication skills can save my relationship with both Tom and Tammy. I’m kinda glad I’m listening.”
Most of us want better skills while Caring for our personal relationships.
In fact, it’s the early days of courtship that help us gain identity. We show each other who we are and where we rate.
Joe tells Tammy, “You’re so smart.” “Your beautiful.”
She says, “Well, your very handsome.” “Joe, you make me laugh so hard!”
We see ourselves through the eyes of others. These messages are important to our self-concept. Joe’s messages to Tammy as well as Tammy’s to Joe forge bonds. Content produces either a high or low-level of meaning. Because later on these are the values that reflect how we see ourselves in a relationship.
Our personal values directly influence our health and happiness.
Studies shows that being in touch with others actually promotes health and wellness benefits. Whereas isolation is believed to produce stress, disease, and early death.
Groups looked at many things and found “When we lack closeness to others we have greater levels of worry, anxiety, and depression.”
Which can leave us sensitive to a range of minor and major illness.
“In fact, social isolation of any kind is as dangerous as any chronic illness, smoking, or obesity,” writes Crowley.
Dr. Ornish studied both healthy and sick people for years. In an interview, Dr. Ornish stated, “Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well. I am not aware of any other factor in medicine-not diet, not smoking, not exercise-that has a greater impact.”
Communication has power!
In a similar Newsweek article, it became clear to one reporter that, heart and breast cancer patients recovered 50% faster with support and talking to others.
“I never knew communication was so important to our health.”
Marriage counsels persist that, “Healthy communication is key to A Caring and enduring relationship.”
Sandy leans forward, “When my boyfriend moved away, the hardest part wasn’t missing the big things in each other’s life. It was missing the little stuff. The little things that happen in our lives each day.”
Janet smiles, “I know. It was like we weren’t part of each other’s normal life anymore. The small talk mattered to me the most.”
Failure is not always troubles, problems, or conflict, but rather actual talking. Both young women seemed to be satisfied with that answer.
Janet says, “Most Americans will agree that the #1 reason for splitting is no talking; surpassing sexual and money problems.”
You and I can probably agree that routine small talk forges stronger bonds and sustains intimacy more than a loud declaration of love! Most romantic couples report that small talk, brief chit-chat, or short dialog of current events was more satisfying. In addition to keeping a steady pulse in their relationship.
Without hesitation Tammy says, “There’s never a problem Joe. I just feel that we have a lot going for us. It’s obvious you do too.”
Joe nods, “Yeah. I just didn’t know how important it was for our health and happiness.” He leans forward kissing Tammy on the forehead, “Now I know how to deal with things. That don’t go my way.”